Eating out can be such a wonderful experience, it allows us to try new foods and recipes which we may never have at home. We can experiences tastes from Japan to Italy without ever having to get on a plane. Adding friends and family into this experience only makes it more wonderful, allowing people to come together over a meal or even a simple coffee. However, for many, this seemingly easy and fun activity can be a source of immense stress. Eating disorders such as anorexia nervosa are frequently characterised by a need to control and limit food intake. Other eating disorders, including bulimia nervosa ,often exhibit periods of extreme food intake followed by periods of purging (vomiting, diuretics, fasting or over exercise). In the majority of these cases, the idea of eating out poses a significant mental and physical burden for sufferers. In cases of anorexia, going out to meals can be an extremely frightening and uncomfortable situation as the individual is out of their normal food zone and forced to eat something they have had no control over in terms of preparation or calorific intake. This can be stressful and lead to food avoidance, social avoidance (by not attending events where food is to be consumed) and later restrictive behaviours. For those suffering from bulimia, eating out may be seen as a binge leading to later restrictive and purging behaviours. Therefore, what appears to be an amazing culinary experience can in fact be immensely triggering for a number of people.
If you told me a few years ago that I could go out to meals with friends and not have to obsess over the menu, fast before and then over exercise after out of guilt I probably would not have believed it. During my periods of anorexia and recovery, eating out was by far my biggest area of stress. It meant I had no control over what I ate or how it was prepared. I couldn’t accurately count the calories, I felt guilty and often people would joke or question my ordering a salad so I felt pressured to get other meals instead. Rather than focusing on the people I was with, the experience and the sheer privilege of being able to go out and afford this luxury, I was focusing on how long I would have to run to work off my meal and how fat it was going to make me. This mindset may resonate with many but if you must take one thing away from this article please take away the knowledge that this mindset is not fixed and you deserve to go out and eat.
Holding ourselves back from events, celebrations and experiences may seem justified in the moment but later can lead to feelings of sadness and isolation. Eating out does not have to be a sinful and regretful event. If you are suffering from these thoughts and worries, know that you are not alone and recovery is possible. For years, this fear held me back from going to events with friends and made birthday celebrations with family a stressful occasion.Through my recovery I began to go out more, try new places and even travel and experience new food cultures in person. These experiences were essential in allowing me to begin to develop good memories of food and eating, outside of the negative thoughts that used to plague me. It was not without challenge and there were (and still are) days when the guilt and worries return. However, having gone through therapy and recovery I am now able to use techniques and reassess my thoughts which help me overcome some of these negative periods. I look back with regret on those times I hid away, where I travelled to exciting new places and did not appreciate the foreign ingredients around me or try a meal out of fear. Now, when I go to new places I go with excitement, I am willing to be out of my comfort zone and I can truly say it makes the journey and memories far more happier.
I won’t deny that it is a massive challenge trying to fight that voice in your head. I know this first-hand, but, it is possible. You deserve the meal, you deserve to be out, you deserve to order what you want without fear and self-judgement! Breakfast, lunch, dinner, brunch, dessert, coffee - they are all part of a balanced, healthy lifestyle. Neither one will cause you to be fat, or a failure or whatever that nasty voice is your head is telling you.
Whether it is a home cooked meal, take out or restaurant dish we all deserve to be able to eat without fear and without guilt. Food is a privilege and a gift and without a positive mental state we may forget this. However, by speaking out about our concerns, taking action and seeking help, we can all begin to incorporate food and wellbeing into our social experiences. Fun, food and trying new dishes are not elements in life you should feel upset doing. There are many resources to reach out to if your mental health and eating behaviours are a concern including the NEDA, BEAT or your local health care provider. I have been in a position where I suffered in silence and from this my mental and physical wellbeing also suffered drastically. Now on the other side I know just how difficult those first steps are. Yet, they are possible. Please speak out. We all deserve those breakfast waffles, nights out with friends and wonderful, tastebud-enticing meals. Most importantly, we all deserve to love our mind, body and self!
These images below are a collection from some of the best memories I have. They are from times when I have finally been able to shut down the negative thoughts and instead focus on the people I was with, the places I was visiting and finally come to peace with food. I hope that one day everyone will be able to find this peace too, because we all are worthy of it. Please do not fear reaching out. While some may shut you down, you will find those special people who will guide you through recovery, whether it be medical staff, family or loved ones. Use my contact form for to ask further resources and keep speaking out and fighting because the end is worth it.
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